Wait... I'm not in charge around here?

Miss I loves playing outside.
Dumbarse Dog is always outside.
Miss I is difficult at the best of times.
Combine the two, and I need to go outside, call Dumbarse Dog over (she ignores me), and make her sit so Miss I can play without being chewed on, barked at, or rounded up.

Take today for an example. Miss I was a wonderful child this afternoon (I bribed her. I told her that if she was good, and helpful, she could help me cook some cakes, dinner, etc. Turns out she doesn't think of cooking as a chore, but something to be enjoyed.)
So, while I was doing a few other things and she was waiting for me, she went outside for a minute in her (sheepskin) slippers. Dumbarse Dog decided to chew on said slippers. Miss I was still wearing said slippers.
I walk outside, tell Miss I to smack Dumbarse Dog on the backside. Dumbarse Dog decided that was an invitation to chew on Miss I's arm, hand, legs.... and still the slippers.
So, as The Boss, I step in.
"Dumbarse Dog! Stop! Heel." I growl.
*Dumbarse Dog ignores me and continues chewing on Miss I*
*I walk over to Dumbarse Dog and smack her hindquarters*
"No! Sit!" I growl again.
Dumbarse Dog walks onto the grass and growls and barks at me.
"No! Sit! Down!" I growl again.
Dumbarse Dog finally sits, and we all walk inside, making sure she knows that she's now in trouble.

See? I'm a good girl! Now praise me, and pat me, and I'll chew on your feet!

Today was Miss K's 10th birthday party, and she had a few friends over. (Five. My house had an extra five girls, taking the number up to eight. Yes, I'm a glutton for punishment. And one is staying over the night.)
It also was the day the InfoxicatedMan decided to replace the alternator.
The father of one of the girls who was here offered to help, and who're we to say no? Especially when it only costs us a few beers ;-)

So, J took his daughter S home, and came back to help. While the InfoxicatedMan and J were out the front working on the rust bucket vehicle, Dumbarse Dog was allowed out of the front yard.
And she behaved.
Only twice in a 2 hour stretch did she get roused at. The first time, she decided to see if she could sneak off. The second, she decided to see if the fluffy lap dog, who really is worth more than our car, had actually been walked more than 3 houses up (It hadn't. Dumbarse Dog decided to pursue. Dumbarse Dog came slinking back).

I'm quite proud of Dumbarse Dog today.
She (as a friend would say) "done good, run strong"

The day in which we stop the bugs and the dog from digging...

Dumbarse Dog has gone back to digging holes. Large holes. Preferably under the rose bushes.
This wouldn't be a problem if it wasn't right under the roses.
Problem is, rental property. That means the garden must still be a garden, not a huge dog digging pit.
So, we did some reading. And some research. And found that dogs don't like citronella, and the main ingredient in domestic animal repellent for gardens is citronella.
And now, the garden smells a lot like citronella.

Lizards aren't venomous? Since when?

Today, while I was folding laundry, I heard a very distinctive bark from outside. It was Dumbarse Dog being protective.
So, I walk out there, and she keeps moving to right in front of me, barking at the base of a tree. It seems we have a resident Blue Tongue that DD thinks she needs to protect us from.

I've seen this lizard a few times now, and as you can see, it's moulting.

I'm just hoping the poor lizard doesn't make a meal for DD, though I'm glad she's decided to just bark and snap at it, rather than try and bite and attack it. It bodes well for when the snakes start.

Who're you calling a dumbarse?

DD today walked with a choke (check) chain for the first time.
For once, we had no sore shoulder, stopping every 3 minutes to say "Sit! No pulling! Heel!"
I'm not sure if it was me walking backwards, or the physical weight of the chain, but she was an angel. Its like someone replaced DD with a well behaved dog.

Knot quite what we expected...

DD was chained up while we went to do some grocery shopping this afternoon - I chained her since we were meeting InfoxicatedMan up at the school and going straight from there. If you recall, she needs to be chained so she doesn't jump the fence.
So, we put her on her (easily 2 metres of running length) chain, and head up to the school.
We get home almost 4 hours later - the butcher needed to cut up a side of lamb and package it - and find DD on a chain that looked maybe 50cm long. She'd twisted it up so much that I couldn't even undo it. I had to remove her collar to get her unchained.
And then, when I'd finally got her collar done back up on her, she decided to round me up, including nipping my ankles.

What do you mean, I'm not a cat?

Yesterday, as I was standing in the kitchen washing a few baking trays, Miss K runs into the house and says "Mum, I have a new story for your DumbA-word Dog thing!"
I of course, dismissed this. I forgot about it until this morning, as we were on our way to do grocery shopping.
Me : "K, what was the story you have for me for the Dumbarse Dog blog?"
K    : "Oh, DD climbed a tree."
InfoxicatedMan : "But, dogs can't climb trees"
K   : "yeah, but DD did."
Me : "Maybe noone told DD she's a dog. Maybe she thinks she's a cat"

Round 'em up!

Miss K has an assignment due tomorrow.
Okay, so it isn't so much an assignment as it is extension work. It's on statistics.
So, we walk across to speak to T an her daughter R to get their responses to the question. We do the Right Thing and tell Dumbarse Dog to stay in the yard and close the gates behind us. We get half way there and hear a distinctive sound - Dumbarse Dog jumped the fence. Again.
I turn around and growl "No! Go home!" to her, and she jumped the fence to get back in. I know, because I watched her :/
The InfoxicatedMan had to chain her up while we went to the neighbours(') house(s) to get answers.
We get back, unchain her, and I go back to cooking the roast chicken for dinner.
I keep seeing blurs. Blurs of chocolate brown flashing past the kitchen. She was rounding up the house :(

Flash forward a few hours to the 5 minutes the InfoxicatedMan and I manage to steal in the evening - where he is having an evening cigarette and I stand outside talking to him for a minute or two.
Suddenly, a brown blur (The Dumbarse Dog) flashes towards me, nips at my ankles, and jumps away. She then barks once, runs down the side of the house, and tries to round up InfoxicatedMan and myself. InfoxicatedMan stamps his foot once, she flashes off again, almost knocking me and him over.
I growl - something I learnt as a kid with my mother and her German Shepherd. Dumbarse Dog barks, jumps away, barks again, and decides to round us up some more. Five minutes later, she finally settles down... and nibbles on my hand when I reach down to pat her to settle her down.

Off the hook

I had a few things to do this afternoon when I was up at the school.
Miss M had transition classes (she starts school in February, so she's attending a few afternoon classes now) and I needed to talk to Miss I's teacher.
I did the Sensible Thing. I got DD's chain out, fastened it to the post near her kennel and her water, and then attached her to it (the D-link on her collar). I then left the house and property, safely in the knowledge that DD would howl, complain and otherwise annoy all the neighbours until I got back with all of the children - or until the other half got home - which ever came soonest.
Boy, was I wrong.
I get home, Miss K tells me "Mum, DD is off her chain! She must have got loose by herself!"
I look up and see the other halfs car. "No, Daddy is home, he probably let her off," I say, self assured in the fact that I am always right.
I walk in the front yard, checking the mail box on the way in, and the other half says "She wasn't on her chain when I got home"
Oh, shit. DD did slip her chain, somehow. She's still wearing her collar, so the question of the year is... how? How does a 6 month old dumbarse dog get off a chain that requires opposable thumbs to fasten and unfasten?

Investigation showed that she pulled so hard on the chain that she broke the d-link. Now, we need to buy a choke chain so we can walk her.

Dumbarse dog.

The Dumbarse Dog - an introduction

We have a 6 month old Australian Kelpie pup, and to be honest, sometimes, she's a real dumbarse.
Take today, for an example.
I'm sick in bed with a migraine, and I get woken up by her barking. Barking at something there.
I drag myself out of bed to look, and find her barking at a blue tongue (For those playing at home, this one was about 40cm long, so a decent sized one, and had pinkish patches on its back. And yes, it definitely had the tell tale blue tongue, since it flicked at Dumbarse Dog).
My problem isn't that she knew to bark at it. My problem is she kept trying to attack it. I presume she'll behave the exact same way when snake season officially hits, then we'll have her in the vets after being bit by a black snake.