Miss I loves playing outside.
Dumbarse Dog is always outside.
Miss I is difficult at the best of times.
Combine the two, and I need to go outside, call Dumbarse Dog over (she ignores me), and make her sit so Miss I can play without being chewed on, barked at, or rounded up.
Take today for an example. Miss I was a wonderful child this afternoon (I bribed her. I told her that if she was good, and helpful, she could help me cook some cakes, dinner, etc. Turns out she doesn't think of cooking as a chore, but something to be enjoyed.)
So, while I was doing a few other things and she was waiting for me, she went outside for a minute in her (sheepskin) slippers. Dumbarse Dog decided to chew on said slippers. Miss I was still wearing said slippers.
I walk outside, tell Miss I to smack Dumbarse Dog on the backside. Dumbarse Dog decided that was an invitation to chew on Miss I's arm, hand, legs.... and still the slippers.
So, as The Boss, I step in.
"Dumbarse Dog! Stop! Heel." I growl.
*Dumbarse Dog ignores me and continues chewing on Miss I*
*I walk over to Dumbarse Dog and smack her hindquarters*
"No! Sit!" I growl again.
Dumbarse Dog walks onto the grass and growls and barks at me.
"No! Sit! Down!" I growl again.
Dumbarse Dog finally sits, and we all walk inside, making sure she knows that she's now in trouble.
